We’ve all heard the saying about how the grass isn’t really greener on the other side. We usually think of it in terms of what we have versus what someone else has. But it’s also good to remember when comparing our current stage of life with that of the past or future. I want to encourage you to think about how to love the “green grass” that’s right in front of you. In your home. Right now.
An Unexpected Glimpse of the Past
My older daughter babysits the little girl across the street on a part-time, regular basis. She sometimes takes her for walks in her stroller. And even though our neighborhood is pretty safe and has lots of walking traffic, she likes to have some company—especially when maneuvering a stroller. So when she asks, I usually jump at the chance to spend the time together.
Earlier this week, we walked down toward our local university and stopped at a large green space to let her little charge get out of the stroller and stretch her legs. Our tiny neighbor has only been around a handful of people during the pandemic, so she doesn’t readily warm up to new faces. When released from the confines of the stroller, she was completely uninspired to run about, and she clung fiercely to my daughter. So we just sat for a bit and played in the grass.
Over the next few minutes, the toddler eyed me suspiciously but warmed up ever so slightly. She could easily pass for an offspring of my daughter’s, so she vividly brought to my mind a time when my now 20-year-old was exactly that age. As I watched them interact, I couldn’t help but feel a slight aching for that time long past when my girls were completely dependent on me, and the world was full of undiscovered wonder for them. I expressed to my daughter what a sweet age that was—the age of learning to talk but not yet “talking back.” We chuckled and enjoyed showing the wide-eyed little girl leaves and flowers and shamrocks.
I’m around little ones with some degree of regularity, so this mini-interaction wasn’t some extraordinary happening. But something about those few, quiet one-on-one moments watching my daughter with what could pass for a younger version of herself really stoked my memory. And I began to wonder where in the world the time went.
Green-tinted glasses?
I later began thinking, however, about how when my girls were at that age I’m pretty sure I spent lots of time wishing for them to be older. There are so many things for new moms to learn! And I had a knack for worrying about every. little. thing. They had to constantly be protected from themselves since they understood very little of the dangers that surrounded them. And they couldn’t adequately tell me if they were hurting, and if so, where. So even though there were many joys to the infant and toddler days, I know I often heartily looked forward to the time that they’d be more self-sufficient, more communicative… in essence, bigger. I figured I’d be able to breathe a big sigh of relief that they had survived my ineptitude at parenting.
I can remember many people trying to tell me to enjoy it because it goes so quickly. How I hated hearing that admonition (and now I can’t resist saying it myself)! And I did enjoy it, but at that time, I was not able to fully receive that wisdom. The days were extremely long and it felt almost impossible to imagine my littles ever being grown. Perhaps it’s a measure of the Lord’s grace that our sheer exhaustion makes change a little easier to accept. It’s just so difficult in our own human power to keep properly appreciating all the precious moments.
Again, even though having babies was wonderful, I spent far too much time daydreaming about when things would be “easier.”
So now that they actually are older, am I honestly wishing to go back? What’s up with that??
Well, little did I know that (at least in my experience) parenting is always hard. It doesn’t really get easier. It just gets to be different. So later, when eye-rolling and moodiness and dating become part of the picture, the temptation is to become wistful for those “simpler times.”
The Gift of Perspective
We’ve all heard grandparents say how much better grandchildren are than children. It’s certainly not that they love their children less. (I’m sure it helps not to be the one losing sleep on a regular basis!) But I think the real difference is perspective. They have understanding of just how quickly the stages pass, and how precious each one is.
Isn’t life in general a little like that too? Our younger years have plenty of challenges, not least of which is lacking the wisdom and experience that older people have. And we probably spend too much of those years wishing the time would pass quickly so we could move on to the next thing.
Knowing When to Let Go
Going back to the parenting angle, another tendency we parents can have is wanting to hang on to stages long after they’re past. I could have worked myself into a funk, mourning the loss of my girls’ childhood this week.
Of course it’s okay–even GOOD–to remember. But the trouble is when when we get so caught up in the past that it steals us away from the present. And clinging to every shred of childhood won’t make it hang around, and it often hampers our living in the present.
It’s tortuously hard to know when is the right time to allow certain freedoms because what’s right is different for every child. But sometimes we just don’t want to let go. Hesitation to let them spread their wings can be just as detrimental as rushing them ahead. It’s a delicate balance.
The same is true for trying to hang on to our own youth, especially when we can finally be enjoying some of that wisdom and experience that was so hard to come by. I can personally spend way too much time obsessing over grey hair that’s never going away–unless I lose it entirely (yikes!), or sagging skin and failing eyesight, while I should be rejoicing over some gifts I enjoy today: I know the Lord and am able to share His love with others. I have a deepening appreciation for His Word (which I can still read with corrective lenses). And I am blessed with amazing family and friends to cherish.
Similarly, we can hang on for too long to certain dreams or identities or relationships that have had their time and served their purpose. It’s important to know when it’s time to move on.
Ecclesiastes tells us, “For everything there is a season.” I believe it’s wise to learn to appreciate each age and stage as it comes. (While asking the Lord for lots more wisdom!) And trust that the Lord has a purpose for keeping us where we are at a particular point in time.
Seasons Change
This principle of recognizing “seasons” can apply to any aspect of our life. Are we in a starter home and longing for a time in the future when our dreams will be realized and we’ll be more fulfilled? Or conversely, are we in our “dream home” wistfully hearkening back to a time in our life during which things were simpler and we had fewer responsibilities…? Or have you even come to the point at which you know some of your dreams won’t be realized and you’re living in the disappointment that follows?
We can choose to appreciate where we are in our career or lament the loss of the days of when we were young and had unlimited dreams of what our life might be. On the other hand, those of us at the beginning of any new venture can stay in constant turmoil because we compare ourselves to others who seem so much more successful. Or we can realize those to which we’re comparing ourselves may be at a completely different leg of their journey. And our success may look different from theirs anyway.
Do You Suffer From the “Grass is Greener Syndrome?”
I didn’t grow up on a farm, but I was blessed to be able to visit my cousin’s family farm with some frequency. I thought it was just the best place ever. My aunt and uncle had lots of cows, and I found out that cows really would stick their head through a fence to try to get at grass on the other side even when they were standing on perfectly good grass. I think we humans can sometimes be just like those silly cows. We can feel chronically dissatisfied with the stage of life we are in and miss the blessings of the present.
Sometimes, even lately, I bemoan the fact that I can’t cuddle my children anymore. But I remind myself to embrace the many amazing things they can do now. I sometimes wish for more sleep (since adolescents don’t ever want to sleep at a reasonable time) and fewer intrusions on my time and privacy, but I try to focus on the blessing of still having them under roof, knowing that won’t last forever–I don’t think…
Instead of wishing my teen would talk to me more, I can be patient and appreciate the relative quiet compared to other stages.
It’s a little like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. At least in the movie rendition, she daydreamed about a place where troubles would melt like “lemon-drops.” In the end, the supposed glory of the Emerald City was just a bunch of smoke and mirrors and really couldn’t compare with home. Our ideals of the future or recollection of the past is often that way: Partially fictitious and only a distraction from the beauty of the now.
I imagine I’m not completely alone in being guilty of daydreaming about the past or the future when I should be fully reveling in and expressing gratitude for all the gifts of right now. Discontentment is a hallmark of our human frailty. And this past year has put even the most contented among us to the test!
Some Ideas to Ward off the “Grass is Greener Syndrome”
1) Appreciate your life for what it is now.
Count your current blessings. You can even write them down! Some people find this to be a very edifying exercise (I should probably try it…). Don’t compare your life now to what the past was or what the future may be. Accept that change and growth are part of life.
2) Know when it’s time to move on.
Let your children let go of items from their past. Or let them hold on to certain things. All within reason, of course. Do the same with your own belongings. Remember this world is not your permanent home. “Lay not up for yourselves treasures…“
3) Don’t obsess or stress about the future.
While planning is admirable and prudent, it’s a shame to miss all the nuances of the present on account of focusing too heavily on the future, or worse–worrying about it (See Matt 6:25-34). Focus on one step at a time.
4) Take time to relive and savor good memories.
Photo albums have gone the way of the dinosaurs, but reminiscing about good times with friends and family is an important ritual, however you have to do it. It’s important to reflect on past milestones and events to remind us of the great blessings in our life.
5) Don’t hold on to past mistakes and failures.
In Philippians 3:13, Paul talks about “forgetting what is behind…” in regard to his pressing onward and upward in the faith. Since we don’t really have eyes in the back of our heads, we can’t be looking back AND forward at the same time. Dwelling on the past keeps us facing in the wrong direction and makes us susceptible to stumbling and perhaps losing our way.
6) Take time to make new memories.
It’s a challenge around our house to ever reach a consensus and arrange schedules to travel together, but it’s worth the effort. When all we ever do is work and plow through months and months of busy schedules, we sometimes lose perspective of how important our relationships are. Make the effort to make memories.
7) Step away from social media.
I’m not saying you have to quit it entirely, but the tendency is strong to compare ourselves with and even envy those whom we view as having it all together or living out the dream life. We all want to put our best foot forward and not embarrass ourselves or family with what we post. But as consumers, the content sometimes begins to give us the false notion that we’re the only ones with less-than-perfect lives.
Don’t Just Take MY Word for It
As usual, my ideas are just that: my ideas. They are based on years of experience and hopefully wisdom I’ve gleaned from that and the Word. But they’re not any magic formula. And they’re meant to encourage those of you dealing with some of the specific challenges I’ve outlined. But I would ALWAYS encourage you to look to God’s word for ultimate authority and daily encouragement in your faith. I believe the “grass is greener syndrome” is just another way to describe “little faith.” And the whole matter comes down to trusting in the steadfast love of the Lord.
The Apostle Paul said (in Phil. 4), ” I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…” and I think he ultimately expresses how he can possibly find that kind of contentment a couple of verses later as “through Christ who gives me strength.”
So even though like me your mind may be prone to wandering to other “better” times, you and I can rely on the Lord’s strength to find blessed contentment right where and when we are. It’s also important to note Paul’s earlier advice (Just go read all of Chapter 4 if you haven’t lately!): “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Our joy in the Lord must ever be on our hearts and lips, giving Him His due praise.
Blessings,
P.S. Is it odd that I have so many pictures of grass in my photo collection…? 🤔All but the cow are mine. And I had a couple of dozen other ones that didn’t make the cut… 😂