Do you get discouraged after something doesn’t work out and decide to discard it forever? Have you ever given something a second chance and had it work out? Chances are good that we all need to give ourselves second chances in some areas of our lives.

Confession: I’m a quitter

My parents always used to tell me when I was little, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

I seemed to hear that “try, try again” phrase a lot. Maybe because every time I tried something new and didn’t have immediate success… I usually proceeded to want to QUIT. And I usually would quit if they let me.

I think I was probably more uncomfortable than I should have been with failure.

Way back in the last century…

In my early school years, academic subjects didn’t all FEEL easy, but I usually excelled at them. I was less adept at sports, but I was still pretty successful even in gym class.

So when I didn’t do well in something, I just assumed that it wasn’t for me. A great example is junior high basketball tryouts.

At the age of 12 or 13, I was full grown–nearly 5’10”. Since I stood head and shoulders above many of my classmates, everyone assumed I should play basketball.

My best friend (who also had next to no experience playing basketball) decided to try out for the team, so I agreed to try out with her. But when I showed up for practice and people were running AND dribbling at the same time, and shooting lay-ups with finesse. And I did NONE of those things naturally! I decided there was NO way I was going to continue to pursue basketball.

I don’t think I would have made the team, but I’m pretty sure I ditched after the first day of tryouts. Failure to me signaled that I should quit and move on to something to which I was suited.

Could I have been good at basketball? Perhaps. Truthfully, I didn’t have a really strong interest. But I did assume that because I couldn’t automatically walk out on the court and play with ease without having played before, I must not have the coordination.

I’ve had a love hate/hate relationship with failure.

But I’ve also failed in situations in which I actually had a strong interest and tried hard. Even before leaving high school, I began to discover some of my “limitations.” I didn’t do nearly as well as I’d hoped on college entrance exams, and I didn’t make it into a summer intensive art program I tried for, and I took it pretty hard.

I just assumed that reaching the ripe old age of the upper teen years, I was losing my edge, and that early indications of my potential had fizzled. If I had tried hard and still failed, what would be the logic in moving forward? Perhaps I hadn’t really found my true calling, and it didn’t matter so much that I left some pursuits behind, but I definitely took away the wrong lesson.

My takeaway was that I was less smart/talented/capable than I had believed I was and was TOLD I was for a decade or so, and perhaps I was prone to starting strong and ending badly. Sadly, it’s been a limiting belief I’ve carried with me much of my life.

But I think truly smart, successful people LEARN from their failures. Or at least they don’t let failures get in the way of their success. Plenty of people out there were shouting that very lesson from the rooftops (probably including my parents), but apparently I wasn’t ready to receive it yet.

Could Mom and Dad have been right all along??

After fifty years, though, I think my parents may have been onto something.

Have I mentioned I’m a slow learner?

Why do I bring this up now?

What brought on all this talk of second chances and trying, trying again? Well, this week, I decided to try once again to implement a program I purchased for streamlining work and home routines and paper and project management.

First of all, after a previous attempt to get on top of my project management and home management systems once and for all, I was back to a place of really needing better systems and organization with paper and electronic information. And secondly, I had already paid for this system that I never fully implemented and had left by the wayside.

So today, I decided to give it a second go. As I sat here thinking, “Why I should try again at something at which I previously failed?” It got me thinking about the very idea of us giving ourselves second chances after once failing at something.

Steps in the right direction

I wondered if anyone else could relate to my tendency to sometimes write off certain skills and areas of my life . I tell myself, “Oh well, I’m just not good at that… ” Sometimes I even let myself off the hook by chalking it up to my personality type or being at a certain life stage. And sometimes that’s okay, but oftentimes I just need to try, try again. To give myself a second chance.

I remembered several skills I have attempted to learn, or habits I’ve tried to adopt. Then after failing, I put them away only to come back to them a year or two later and find success.

One good example is that my first try at making my own bread. After the initial fail, I revisited it a year or two later and have made my own bread ever since. There were lots of ugly loaves which my patient friends and family consumed, but eventually I was not only making my own, but teaching others ins and outs.

There have been many other things I tried and at which I experienced failure before ever becoming successful, if I thought about it. I’ve attempted to read books that I could NOT finish, but at a later date and with fresh eyes I completely devoured them. It’s even been a running joke in our family that I have a black thumb and cannot grow anything, but as I’ve gotten older and more in tune with growing things, I’ve actually kept a few plants alive… or I’ve at least known why they bit the dust. 😳

And many more in the the wrong one…

But sadly, I think I’m much MORE prone to giving up entirely after experiencing initial failure.

I’m not saying we’re all meant to be good at everything. Some pursuits, upon closer examination are perhaps not worth our time and effort. I’ve never really been good at the hula hoop, but is it imperative that I go back and learn? Probably not. I’m only saying that failure should probably never be the reason for us to actually give up on pursuing a goal.

The reality–could failure actually be beneficial??

There are many better examples of other people who have tried, tried again that have completely astonished me. SO many writers, inventors, artists, and people who have accomplished great things have experienced SO much more failure than we usually hear about.

We all love to hear success stories. But I think we can be just as inspired by failure stories. Knowing that MANY others tried and failed normalizes our own failures and helps us see that failure is ideally not the END of the process but the middle. Here’s a list of just a few examples: click here.

I CAN. NOT. imagine submitting a book manuscript and being turned down by multiple publishers (I’m imagining if I pour my heart and soul into such a lengthy endeavor, one or two “no’s” would do me in!) But many writers tell the same story of rejection after rejection before success happens.

I’ve considered most things I failed at to be closed doors forever. It has taken ALL these years and homeschooling two daughters from beginning to end for me to realize there are NO closed doors. Anything I really want to learn to do is probably possible.

Not everything should get a second chance in your life.

I’m not saying that I should pursue it all. That is, go back and retry everything at which I’ve failed (Jr. High basketball, for instance… 😄).

But I’m just NOW learning that anything worth pursuing is worth failing at. (<–grammar fail) AND trying again. Which brings me to another saying… “Better late than never.”

Think Big AND small…

I DON’T think success in the eyes of the world is the be-all to end-all or even something that many of us should strive for. However, we all NEED certain skills to run a home, to serve others, to do our jobs, and to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The aforementioned list of some people who found success in different areas after some almost unbelievable failures is inspiring even if we just think in terms of small goals that seem unattainable.

It seems the difference in people who succeed or fail often goes back to who is willing to move past failure. Or even MANY spectacular failures!

Learning from and benefiting from failure is just good stewardship of our life experiences.

So whether it’s eating a healthy diet, staying on an exercise regimen, learning a foreign language, growing a garden, keeping a clean house, reading the Bible through in a year, maintaining regular correspondence with friends, or starting a business, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth giving it a second try. 

Are there any areas in which you’ve tried and failed and have yet to revisit?

Anything that you need to give another shot today?

I hope this post encourages you to embrace your failures as learning experiences and try, try again.

Peace,

P.S. I’ll try to let you know how the second try at my new “system” goes. 😉 A little extra accountability can’t hurt!