A new commandment. Sounds so simple, right?? After volumes of laws detailing how we treat one another had already been narrowed down in Matthew 7:12 to “do to others as you would have them do to you,” then come three simple words: Love one another.
Unfortunately, simple doesn’t equal easy. Where laws had been previously written on stone, Jesus meant for us to wear the law on our hearts. Good deeds and flowery speech don’t cut it. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that those things are only a lot of noise unless done in love. No amount of outward law-keeping gestures measure up. It’s the simplest yet hardest command ever, akin to “be perfect as your father in heaven is perfect.”
But if we’re doing it right (loving one another, that is) everyone will see it and know we’re following Jesus. That kind of divine love is recognizable to the world! (See above graphic.)
What does this have to do with tranquil domesticity? I believe the practice starts at home, with those you’re closest to. The ones it’s hardest to fake it with. They can see all of our ulterior motives and grudging attitudes. And incidentally, during pandemics and snowstorms, they’re sometimes all you’ve got!
In this post, I’ll share some confessions of my many failings, and if you can relate, hopefully supply a remedy that may help you as it helps me.
We Are Family
So we can love first and foremost on our family. I’ve already posted about marriage and how we can show love through patience, submission, behavior boundaries, and focusing on honoring the Lord in the relationship. People who manage to keep showing love to a spouse for many years are certainly noticeable to the rest of the world.
The rest of the family at home is of course your children, and perhaps live-in parents or other older family members. It seems a very natural thing to love your children, but if I’m honest, I can find myself being selfish even where they’re concerned. I have to constantly check my heart.
For example, I always want them to do well, but is it at least in part to make me look good?
I also vacillate in my thought life between a martyr syndrome (“I give and I give and what thanks do I get…?”) and the side of me that does everything with resentment—after all, everyone in my household these days is able-bodied and should be self-sufficient. I have to balance the desire for them to learn proper habits with my desire to not have to serve everyone.
Before the days of marriage and children our mind couldn’t even conceive of anything other than bliss, and then how quickly our hearts turn. Like the children of Israel leaving slavery behind in Egypt and then immediately complaining about the food rations that were falling out of the sky, we can be ungrateful for even the best gifts in our life! And often times when I should be showing love to my family, I’m preoccupied with ingratitude. Shameful but true.
Be Our Guests
Other people to whom we might show love in our home are guests. Easy, right? Well, if you thought I was bad in the previous paragraph, just wait.
I really don’t mind having people in my home, but I hate getting ready to have people in my home. I think about everything BUT the people coming to my home. I worry about how everything looks. How everything smells. I make everyone who’s already in my home miserable trying to make up for months of messes in a single day of cleanup. I’m always completely sure my cooking (if I don’t chicken out and opt for takeout) will be sub-par and I’ll be judged. I feel sure I’ll say the wrong things. I’ll either talk too much, obnoxiously hogging the conversation, or I’ll not say enough, and seem detached and weird. In essence, I fear that I’ll be seen for who I am and not liked. In true selfish fashion, I make things all about me!
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
The third set of people whom we can love right from our own home is our neighbors.
Chances are, if your neighborhood has been around a while, you’re going to have a variety of ages, values, ethnicities, and personalities. You may have nothing in common with your neighbors, but ironically you live in closest proximity to them!
They see our comings and goings. Like us stumbling out to pick up the paper in our robe and house shoes. They see us working and/or relaxing in our yard. They also have a bird’s-eye view of the real, less-than-perfect us.
But opportunities to show love abound. We can be the immediate source of help in times of trouble. I often don’t remember to love on my neighbors until they show up on my doorstep asking for favors. But I have neighbors who have watched our kids, placed delicious fresh baked goods on my doorstep, ones who have shared extra produce, and ones who bring our paper in from the sidewalk to our doorstoop and drag our empty garbage can back to our driveway. It’s natural to want to return kindness to all of these kind souls I mention, even though I don’t even always do that well.
But what about the neighbor who is not especially neighborly? Who may have a loud vehicle or loud visitors or who doesn’t keep their landscaping properly mulched (usually that’s us…)? See Luke 6:32: “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?” Even sinners love those who love them. Sadly, I don’t always want to show kindness and LOVE to all my neighbors, i.e., the ones that don’t show me any love.
Our Example
When Jesus gave the command to his disciples, he had just finished lowering himself to literally wash their feet. But before that, on many occasions, he had made it clear he was the very Son of God… and actually God Himself: Emmanuel. He would very soon thereafter give his very life for the redemption of many—all undeserving.
So how do we overcome our fleshly selves (that is, if you’re far less than perfect like me…) and practice loving one another? I say practice because love in this sense is an active imperative. The result should be action driven by heartfelt motives.
6 Helps for REALLY Loving Others
We can be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger (see James 1:19). I think this one is especially valuable when used with those in our household. Don’t we all like to be heard?
We can count our blessings, remembering the gift that family and friends are to us. Gratitude helps to stir up genuine love for those in our lives.
We can pray to see the people in our immediate contact with Jesus’ eyes of compassion. Pray that we could look beyond the surface and see them as fellow image bearers in need of love and in need of a Savior.
We can pray to be a cheerful giver of this love. 2 Corinthians 9 talks about giving cheerfully of our resources, and I believe this idea certainly carries over into sharing our time and love with others. With help, we can do the right actions in the right spirit.
We can re-acquaint ourselves with the gospel daily. It’s so easy to forget how much we’ve been given. How much has been done for us. But when we really are filled with the love of Christ, we want to share the love we’ve been shown.
We can give as Jesus gave, i.e. sacrificially. What to give? For starters, we can give up our own pleasure for that of others. Giving of the precious resource of time is certainly a sacrifice. We can also give up our comfort/convenience in order to serve the needs of others. And finally, we can give of the resources with which God has blessed us.
Peace,
P.S.
As I took a lunch break while typing this post, NO JOKE, I saw a news story in which a man who is my age gave a kidney AND part of his liver to save two different stranger’s lives. That’s astonishing alone, but the thing that struck me was this: the man said he kept thanking the recipients of his organs because of how much it had changed his life to be able to give to them. And isn’t that just the way God works?? When we step out in faith and bless others with acts of love and kindness, we often receive the greater blessing.
What a mighty God we serve. He’s certainly worthy of all the love that we pour out on others, and if we trust in Him, he’ll even supply it for us.