As millions of children return to school (in person!) this week, I have pondered a little about the idea of attendance, or the importance of “showing up” as it applies to us all in our everyday lives. Even to those of us, ahem… well past school age.

What’s the big deal with perfect attendance?

I’m going to be honest: I’m pretty sure in 13 years of school I never walked down the aisle in an awards ceremony to receive a perfect attendance certificate. I was a good student, and I never missed for less than legitimate reasons (until college, at least…). But going a whole year without missing a single day seemed extreme. And several years in a row? It seemed impossible. And to be even more embarrassingly honest, I really couldn’t see what was so great about just actually showing up 100% of the time. Astonishing? …Yes. But admirable? Well…

But perhaps I was wrong. I know, I know… hard to believe. 🙄

My “Perfect Attendance” Role Model

My “quote-unquote” perfect attendance role model really has nothing to do with school attendance. In fact, she didn’t really put that much stock in perfect attendance either, at least where school was concerned. It is my mom.

I think most people who grow up in a stable, relatively harmonious home probably think their own mom is the greatest. But my mom was honestly way up there, and in no small part for the simple fact that she showed up. Always. (She was almost never on time, but even more so, she was almost never absent…)

With the memorable exception of her having surgery at the beginning of my second grade year (I had a wonderful Aunt that filled in at that time), she was there for every first day of school. Every school event. Each birthday. Every Sunday at church. And any time a friend or family member got married, had a baby, or passed away.

And everyone who knew us knew it: You could count on my mom.

Showing up was hardly ever optional. We never sat around and pondered whether or not we felt like going to a family reunion or holiday gathering. We showed up. Even when I was grown, married, and teaching school, my mother drove two hours one way to show up for the first art show I put on as a K-12 art teacher. I didn’t beg her to come to everything in my life. It was just an unspoken rule: if it was important to me, she would be there.*

(*To be clear, I did not have an absent father. Just one that worked many long hours without complaining so we could afford all the many activities in which my brother and I participated. For the record, as work and sleep constraints allowed, Dad also consistently showed up in my life.)

A parting lesson from a friend:

Like I said before, as a school student, I was largely unimpressed by perfect attendance. Other than marveling at the idea of someone either never getting sick, or maybe pitying them spending some miserable days sick at school, I didn’t think that perfect attendance warranted kudos. I figured that was like getting credit for just filling in all the blanks on a test. 

However, perfect attendance was very important to a friend of mine who has now passed. I would even call “showing up” one of her core values. After receiving a terminal diagnosis, she actually hesitated to plan a dream trip during school months because she did not want her son to miss any days. I totally could not follow the logic at the time, but in retrospect, I can appreciate it. It was part of who she was.

Our very friendship sprang from the fact that she and her husband showed up week after week without fail in our Sunday school class. Even though they spent lots of time at the lake and were out many Saturday nights late at college football games, they almost never missed even if they were tired or it was inconvenient to make it back. 

They were always the first ones to arrive. And since my husband is the teacher and we showed up ahead of class also, it afforded us many opportunities for conversation and for us to get to know one another over the years. 

Showing up still matters.

Unlike in the bygone days of gold star charts at church, many of us have a much more casual approach to weekly attendance. It’s actually extraordinary to find people who show up like clockwork not because they feel obligated, but because they’re committed. And they want to be there.

My aforementioned friend wasn’t one to participate heavily during actual class time (she wasn’t super comfortable talking in large groups). And she didn’t take on any splashy, high-profile leadership roles. 

But she showed up week after week to every service and church-sanctioned activity. And served regularly keeping children. If we hadn’t been in a pandemic, she probably would have been there right up to the very end. As she became more and more disabled, she still managed to attend one more entire season of her son’s baseball games. She managed it with lots of help along with her iron-clad will to attend.  

And it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Showing up actually takes an amazing amount of consistency and courage. A favorite verse that I’ve shared in other posts says “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…” See Hebrews 12:1.  I think I love it because it’s a great reminder for me to keep keeping on. Not always with speed, style, or perfection, but just not giving up and quitting. I think “showing up” appropriately in the different areas of our lives is an example of such endurance.

Consistency in showing up is not exciting or glamorous. It’s repetitive and sometimes downright exhausting. 

Sometimes showing up involves overcoming infirmities, introversion, inhibitions, and even indignation or irritation. The good news is, however, I think it becomes easier with practice.

The more we get together…

When we were first married, my husband and I moved to a small town with his job, and in order to network and meet other professional people, he joined the local noon Rotary Club. This particular club was full of notable, die-hard, old-school Rotarians. And remarkably, each time they gathered… they sang. With gusto.

We’ve laughed about it for years because it felt so foreign to my husband (and to me as a guest one noonday) to break out in song with a bunch of completely sober businessmen. The most memorable song was “The More We Get Together,” to the tune of “Have You Ever Seen a Lassie.” The words went like this: “The more we get together, together, together… The more we get together, the happier we’ll be. Cause my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends; the more we get together, the happier we’ll be!”

As silly as we always thought the song sounded (possibly because it was set to the same tune as a nursery rhyme), perhaps there’s some truth in it. Maybe showing up actually does promote friendship and happiness!

I am aware of the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” But real love happens in spite of someone’s faults (see I Corinthians 13:7), and works through feelings of contempt. And must accompany actually knowing someone. 

And I know of no other way to accomplish actually knowing someone other than by showing up and actually spending time together.

It occurs to me here that showing up is a very underrated part of the way we show love to others. It’s certainly part of the way we feel loved by the Lord–His ongoing presence in our lives. Think of Moses, Joshua, or David, and what the Lord’s presence meant to them.

Forget about the “perfect” part of “perfect attendance.”

While showing up is important, it’s much less important that you do it perfectly. And I’m not talking about consistency in this instance. I’m talking about being less concerned about showing up perfectly coiffed, or with a dazzling array of gifts, or perfectly prepared to perform. 

If we’re honest, we often focus so much on looking, performing, and producing to impress others, whether it be in our family or friend relationships or at our jobs. We’d often rather just stay away rather than show up presenting less than our personal best. (This makes me think of Moses again–God required his presence much more than his persuasive powers with Pharaoh.)

I personally find it to be especially challenging, when met with physical/.mental/emotional/hormonal difficulties, as we all are from time to time. Perhaps sometimes it’s better to just show up to the table than to stay away for fear of inadequacy in what we bring to it.

Perhaps if we remember that just like back in the old days in school—showing up is an accomplishment in and of itself and IS worth congratulating-–we can actually show up in life more consistently. 

Here are five areas in which to aspire to consistently (even if not perfectly) show up, along with some simple suggestions for doing so:

Marriage –

have regular date nights, participate in shared interests/pursuits, make daily intentional connections (notes, texts, sharing a meal), 

Friendships –

engage in regular communication, go on planned outings, be available in times of trouble, practice casual hospitality

Job/Career –

steer clear of using work time for personal calls/errands, be on time, be dependable

Parenting –

be an available sounding board, spend one-on-one time, show up for big and small stuff, provide unconditional support

Spiritual Walk –

prioritize prayer and time spent in the Word, be consistent in church attendance/spending time with other believers

So what do you think? How is your attendance record looking? Have you, like me, struggled sometimes just to show up to daily life? I pray that you find encouragement here in knowing you’re not alone.

I believe the pandemic has given us all a renewed appreciation for the value of being present with one another. So even though we may not be fully back to normal, hopefully we have more focused priorities where “showing up” is concerned.

Thankfully, it’s not really about US being perfect in our attendance.

With the Lord’s help, you can glorify Him by the simple act of showing up for those inside and outside of your home. With perfectly imperfect attendance.

Blessings,